Another Strange Ian Poem

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Dearly Degloggers,

I’ve featured my friend Ian Ghost and his poetry on my blog before, but this one takes the cake! A segway of one liners that leaves you exhausted with imagery and acute logic.


the frog is a loud mouth

who wishes he spoke in whispers

the tree only whispers

and is happy to do so

the seagull reads with his clothes on

the dust mite is a bore

the dolphin is a Rastafarian

the salmon believes in God

the wolf spits when he talks

and aims for the eye

Blake is not Blake

Dylan is Blake

Zimmerman is a Brooklyn-based Cantor

who sings Celtic folk songs in Yiddish

the honey bee doesn’t collect honey at all

it’s only a sexist code name he uses

to lie to his wife with

the honey bee used to be called the pussy bee

the maggot is active rice

the beaver has a lawsuit pending against the vagina

claiming copyright infringement

the breast is full of herself

the camel is a nasty drunk

the elephant performed genocide

against the mammoth

and blamed it on the Indians

the rat acts more busy than he is

the cat is a racist

the gorilla is a monkey in a gorilla suit

the simile is overused

and unimaginative

the platypus

I don’t know

the Englishman

is an eastern gentleman

with a French hate of the States

the woman has glorious eyes

even when sleeping

the jackal is a jerk

the bat has no affiliation with the rat

the shrew won’t stop talking about the dog

the dog doesn’t even know who the shrew is

the owl couldn’t be reached for comment

the spitting cobra is a white supremacist

who is sometimes born black to suit the laws of irony

the rat snake has an identity problem

the reticulated python is very reticulated

I’m told

although at this time I don’t know what that means

the anaconda has a fear of intimacy

the flea flicker is not a bug at all

the pig is a hog with humanity

the dinosaur was never extinct

just pissed off

the badger is a bitch

the clown loach is a burlesque show

the window is a door

invented by the hinge

to undermine the wall

the wall is nothing but trouble

the crayfish was denied color for stealing salmon eggs

the yak is sick of it all

the clouds won’t leave me alone

the hornet pilfers fine words

and sells them to the panda for lion tusks

the ram is a washed up porno star

who blames his fall on the Rosenbergs

the sturgeon died for her kids

the mole is Abraham

and gave his eyes for God

the titmouse told me sex sells

and charged me twenty dollars for that bit of information

the hole is misunderstood

yhe ox invented boredom

and marketed it as God-candy

which the bears bought up by the gross

the chameleon is a cross-dresser

the butterfly is a moth with money

the crocodile envies the walrus

who is equally as ridiculous looking

but gives birth to live young

the raven is a dark imposing figure

who drinks bourbon and belittles his wife in public

the peacock is all talk

the man is a land shark

who pisses in the water and complains about the taste

the sloth is full of shit

the mink is nothing more than connective tissue

the mongoose drank Pop Rocks with Coke

then turned into the Surgeon General

the leach is a slug with teeth

the pilot fish has fake documents

the squirrel got caught plagiarizing the unpublished works

of the plagiarized works of Chaucer

the goat is a yenta

the zebra is a horse impersonator

the praying mantis is a scientoligist

and a close relative to the cricket

the cricket keeps me up all night

reciting bad poetry

the pigeon exists only in mythology

the unicorn chews on coca leaves

to forget about his miserable job

the lizard lost his original tail

in a game of chicken against the dog

now he has two

the man believes in rain

its all he’s got left

the smile evolved from the daydream

who’s evolution is unclear

the hyena has a reputation for sudden fits of laughter

but that’s all a front

in fact he’s highly medicated

and considered potentially suicidal

the chipmunk loves everybody

and has been spotted paying off the bear

to stop eating the salmon

the locust is nothing more than a grasshopper

don’t let somebody to tell you differently

the scarab died for the sins of the lotus

who has been reincarnated into the dung beetle

who is forced to eat shit to appease the scorpion

who has been bellyaching for centuries about

how bad he was fucked on the deal

the sea refuses to speak unkindly about the land

which for the most part has been her undoing

the sea is covered with a fine layer of skin

the man is also covered with skin

but its consistency is questionable

the roadrunner is a cartoon

the tooth has been important in the fight against the flesh

the cheek holds in it many secrets

the preacher sued the bear

in a case involving the distribution rights

over God-candy

the preacher withdrew immediately

after the bear’s lawyer

obtained an incriminating videotape

clearly displaying the plaintiff in a compromising position

with the honey-bee’s wife

the tear is a by-product of the face

who’s stories when sincere

are the most exquisite things on earth

the finger needs supervision

the cornea invented everything

the thank you is an expression of sobriety from

cleaned up heroin addicts

the fuck you is an expression of bamboozlement from

newly created methadone addicts

the prick is a dick who was a peter who became the cock

the cock is a chicken who moonlights as procreation

the sorry never tasted anything and was sorry not to

the rumor is the flunky of the man

and talks all day about all the woman he fucked

the rumor is still a virgin

and if I have more time I’ll tell you why

the sedative is the smile during sleep

the carpet was the prototype for sheep

the nostril is the escape clause of the mouth

the hand is no relation to the finger

the mockingbird is jealous of the moon

which is why he teamed up with the rumor

the sex is busy getting busy

and is also the subdivision of long addition

the tongue wants equal rights

but is no better than the finger

the leopard is the song before the music

the ruddy duck is the cheerleader of fools

the Indian pea-fowl wets his bed

the blerbok is the founder of the third school of redundancy

the Burmese python is really from Boston

which is why he never speaks in the jungle

the ibex screwed the tahr only to create the first donor

in a super race of hooded morgansers

the hooded morganser doesn’t speak to his parents at all

and when drunk refers to them as the loveless freaks

whose boredom made him an orphan

the porpoise is not the dolphin

the dolphin is not God

the porpoise is

©ian ghost

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