When talking about dating, how many times have I heard my single friends say “they are all just crazy…”
This got me to thinking…and for a moment I put on my Carrie Bradshaw hat:
“Is everyone dating really insane, or are we all just walking around with broken hearts?”
Unfortunately, one of the requirements for dating is: A broken heart. You are obviously dating because things didn’t work out with a certain someone. And it doesn’t matter which side of the fence you are on, the break-er or the break-ee – every breakup where there was a high degree of romance sucks.
You are probably highly emotional (and may or may not be able to tell), and acting out in ways you would not normally act out in, engaging yourself with people you would not normally engage with, and settling for things you would not normally settle for.
Case in point: I saw a friend yesterday, and he was all shaken and broken up because he had just ran into a woman he had ended a relationship with 8 months ago due to personal alignment issues around what each one of them perceived their future to be like. And while some may say love conquers all, there is a certain degree of courage needed to be able to walk through things for love. And courage is not something learned or acquired, this is something you are born with.
After 8 months of no contact with this woman he dated for about a year and a half, he was still very obviously in love with her – even though he is actively dating someone else (we will call her “the prop”).
“Why don’t you just try again if you are still in love with her?” I asked, “What’s the big deal, I don’t get it?”
“I just can’t,” her replied. He went on to tell me about “the prop” and how he’d been dating her about 4 months but that she was not anything serious, just someone he’d see every other week to take care of his basic needs and for some company.”If this relationship were to end tomorrow,” he said referring to the prop, “I wouldn’t care.”
I scratched my head not understanding, why was it so hard for him to just be with the woman he really loved?
“You don’t understand,” he replied, “No matter how much I love this other woman, I am terrified to be with her, I physically can’t do it. I will collapse and do everything she says, and that will only lead me having to adjust my life…and I am not so sure I can handle that.”
And I felt so sad for this dating scenario – And how can this not be insane? Of course its insane. .
Him: for his inability to reconcile his own emotions and his lack of courage.
Prop Woman: The daily questions she must face “how come he only texts instead of calls? We’ve been going out for 4 months how come he hasn’t expressed how he feels? There’s something wrong…I can feel it.” The slow realization that will hit her like a ton of bricks…that the man you are dating is “not that into you.”
“You know this is totally insane,” I said to him and he nodded.
So maybe it is true…people who are dating are temporarily insane as they work through their own personal emotions, character flaws, terrible mistakes, and baggage…
We’re all members of the Asylum of Broken hearts at one point or another – apparently also known as “the dating world”. And those who are currently enjoying your membership, to you I say this: Enjoy the insanity stay – this is such a special time in your life. But you may be too “crazy” at the moment to realize it. Enjoy it because one day soon…when you’re not looking…and you’re doing something really crazy, like following a dream, or taking that trip, or buying that place, or giving that speech, you will find the anecdote to your current condition, and you’ll long for these days…where walking around with the proverbial paper shoes and hospital gown longing for things to be different,will be long gone.